Article
How To Say No When You Mean It
Written by Dr. Huggins
Sounds easy? It might seem so to some, but saying no and setting limits with others can be painstakingly difficult for many of us. Saying no to others can be scary.
We fear others’ rejection if we say no.
Overextending ourselves and rejecting our wants and needs is an energy drain. We end up feeling depleted and, well, it can be a thankless job.
When we ignore our own wants and needs by people-pleasing, we may end up feeling resentful toward those we’re trying to please. We might not even be aware of our resentment, but it can come out through unhealthy relationship patterns or even physical symptoms.
Mutual exchange is the key to a healthy relationship, both with yourself and others.
We all have our ways of avoiding rejection because it hurts. But being authentic feels good. When you choose yes when you mean no, lack of self-value is the instigator.
When you choose authenticity, you say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no.
Dropping the fear and choosing self-love by saying no, when that’s what feels right, is more valuable than other people's opinions of us. Our opinion of ourselves is what matters, and listening to our needs is important.
Most of our fears of what others will think of us are a lie. Surrendering these old, limiting beliefs will make you feel pounds lighter.
Tips for saying ‘No’:
Remind yourself that your well-being is what is most important.
Be firm, brief, and concise. For example, “No, thank you, I can’t make it” or “No, I have another engagement that night, I hope to next time.”
No need to make excuses or justify why you’re saying no.
Be polite; a simple “thank you” is more than enough.
Be honest. There’s no need to lie.
Don’t overexplain. A simple “no” and a brief, assertive statement will suffice. For example, “No, unfortunately, I am unable to pick you up from the airport. I have another obligation at that time.”
Listen to your intuition, that gut feeling, and speak from that place.
Remember, this may take time; you’ll gain confidence the more you practice.
Learning how to say no is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. We’re practicing self-love. And that feels good.